It came creeping back up.

It came back, something I haven’t felt I quite some time. Today I woke up with that familiar tickle and sick feeling in my stomach that I used to get when I was anxious about something. It’s been six and a half months since Brandi left me and I have been feeling worse everyday leading up to now. Some days I wake up and I think I’m ok, but as soon as something that reminds me of her presents itself I lose my shit. I don’t have any clue what to do to free myself from these feelings, and getting her back seems to be out of the question as she is now in the arms of another. She says “this happened for a reason”, and I really hope that reason presents itself soon because I’ve been waiting for what seems like an eternity.

I think I need to leave San Diego.

I feel like I am drowning.

I am have a lot of trouble getting my first love, and most recent breakup, out of my mind. I have been filtering through my thoughts trying to keep my memories at bay, yet they seem to creep up on my at the least expected times. Once the memory gate opens the emotions and regrets start flooding in with the power of a massive body of water. I try to collect them and turn them in to songs, but I am not too great at writing. Today I decided to post one publicly and share it with the world. This is an untitled set of lyrics that I have yet to decided how they will be used. I am open to constructive feed back and criticism, just be kind please?

I have been drowning in this ocean of regrets for far too long.
Stuck missing someone like I never have before.
My hand is up trying to signal for help with none in sight.
Just need your loving face to walk back through my door.
I tread the water with all I’ve got but the sea is overcoming.
The skies above have turned grey, ready to pour.
I don’t have it in me to keep myself afloat with all this weight.
This ocean of memories is starting to drown, pulling me to the floor.
I don’t know how long I can swim before the tide pulls me under.
I need you to lift me up from this storm, take my hand an help me soar.
With just your beautiful smile my whole world returns to light.

Maybe this will be the first one to be turned into a song. The person this is about knows who they are.