Back to the blog and Fools day adventure!

So here I am, almost a month from my last post to my blog with so many stories built up that I might have to just let them trickle through as I pick back up on writing here once again. My friends have been harassing me about not writing to which I have been replying “I just haven’t had time.” While this is mostly true, there are other factors involved, things such as me not wanting to write in my van at night in fear of someone seeing the light of my iPad coming through which could prompt an unwelcome interaction or police involvement. While I have found that I can block the light pretty well, it’s just not worth it to run the risk. So I have vowed to myself that I will write to the blog at least once a week from this day forward, but will do so during the day.

Now that I’ve got that explanation out of the way I am going to continue with today! Today is April fools day and also the birthday of two very special robots that I have known for a few years now. They are two peaceful creatures who only get upset when either of their electronic devices break, or when there is no oil to be found. These guys are a creation of my friend Tyler, and to celebrate their birthday today we dressed up in them and took them to an Apple Store to get a giant cardboard iPhone fixed. So Tyler made an appointment for Sparky to bring his device in, and Dr. Moo came along for moral support! The humans were kind to the robots today and we did not run in to any trouble, even mall security was ok with it for a change, which we decided is due to the new mall management cutting their pay and taking away their golf-carts.

While ordering food at Subway I looked behind me and saw a woman waiting to order. She was wearing a business lady suit type outfit and I could tell she was on a lunch break, so I offered to let her ahead of me. She told me she had plenty of time but appreciated the offer, we talked a little about work and breaks, and then I told her about the adventure with Sparky and Dr. Moo today, which she thought was great on many levels and sparked a conversation about how complacent and boring people are today, and how afraid they are of things they don’t understand. At the end of all of this she left saying “have fun making people’s days better!” This made me feel really good because I think she was having a bad day, and sometimes it just takes the kind words of a stranger to turn things around.

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Dr. Moo(left), Sparky(right).

I’ve also turned 31, that happened on March 25th. I was given a few awesome gifts, and a lot of good company from some people I don’t get to hang out with as often as I’d like. My friend Russell and his girlfriend Julia gave me some really colorful tie-dye tapestries which have been great, and beautiful, privacy shades. The tapestries will most likely be hanging on the outside of my van at our camping spot for Coachella, should be easy to spot. Russell also gave me a guitar case to use with my acoustic, which I have been learning quite a bit on, as well as building up finger movement and strength. Brandi, the ex I reference, got me some gifts too, a small gnome shaped candle and a pair of thrift store boots that I haven’t received yet, as well as a hand made wooden flute. Dealing with her has still been very hard and extremely emotional for me, so recently I had to tell hero couldn’t talk to her for a while, most likely till after Coachella so my head can be clear of crap at the event. I still care about her greatly and have been sad to see her dropping all her interests and hobbies to get in to this lifestyle where she isn’t doing anything productive anymore because all she does now is spend time with her rebound boyfriend who doesn’t like to do anything, and since she reflects who she is with she is now doing nothing. She’s extremely talented and it’s going to waste, I just hope to see her wake up an get back into it, not even to get back with me, but just for herself. The last gift received was created by someone who day after day is becoming one of my favorite people, even with her living not so close… And by not close I mean almost 2000 miles away. Bethany from Minnesota wanted to make me something nice, and went off of what she knows about me to create an amazing art piece. It is a portrait that is half my face, and half the face of a wolf, which are my absolute favorite animal, my spirit animal(self proclaimed). This left me starting to plan a road trip to Minnesota, because I don’t want to wait for her to come to San Diego if I can help it!

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Here are the tapestries.

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The gnome from Brandi.

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And this is the piece from Bethany.

Van life has been great up to current, and I have been sleeping in it every night since my last post, so about a month now! I am still dealing with keeping the inside organized and haven’t had the extra money to get drawers or anything to help with that with Coachella coming up. So after Coachella I will be focusing in making the van even more livable than it already is. I find myself sleeping by the coast most nights, but when I am at a friends house late, when its time to go, I just sleep outside their place in my place!

That’s it for this post, till next time!

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The third night into the fourth day.

I was not at all ready for how cold I got on the first night, I can’t believe I didn’t wake up terribly sick! With it being so cold it was hard to sleep at all anyway. But tonight I am prepared, I have multiple quilts now, and a sleeping bag, I think I’m all set! Plus, I have more pillows as well. I grabbed some snacks and discovered that Take 5’s are my new favorite candy, they have pretzels, caramel, peanut butter, and chocolate, mind blowing!

Yesterday was good, I woke up with an ocean view finally, but today the ocean view was even better, so nice in fact that I didn’t bother covering my window looking out over the ocean. The moon was almost full and was bright as hell, which caused the whole ocean to light up and sparkle. Yesterday I also picked up my moms old acoustic guitar and wanted to spend some time playing it at night but I was just to tired. The guitar is the first heirloom type thing my mom has given me, it was hers back in 1971, so it has some history as well. Instead I slept like a baby! With all the new blankets and pillows it was a much better experience than any previous night, so sleep is looking good now.

As for today, it’s guitar and bike rack today! One friend mentioned getting together today, and another wants to hang out after work, so today should be a fun day!

Waking up.

Waking up in the van today to my alarm was so refreshing! Sure it’s not so comfortable to sleep in just yet, but the fact that it is my own place and I have all my things with me balances it out. The day was smooth and mellow, and all day I just felt complacent. I talked with her for a while last night and I gathered from the conversation that she is still confused. I explained to her that while she is single she should explore all options and not decide on anything, and that I would like to start hanging it again instead of allowing the distance between us to grow stronger. Tonight she was going to let me know about hanging out but I never heard from her, I can only assume she went with him instead, but I need to keep that out of my mind.

I had my lunch break in the van today and caught the moon rising up in the sky, as always it was beautiful. The mood never disappoints when it’s coming up in the sky!

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I really want to experience things in this van with her but the outlook of that has been looking worse and worse. I really hate that she has grown so close to him so quickly, but it’s only through my own actions that this has happened as I pushed her away by acting so overbearing. And once again the lesson learned looks to have been learned to late. I hope we get a chance to do some cool stuff in the van together but for now, I have to find other people to enjoy it with, maybe eventually it will feel normal.

Thursday will be the first time I have had someone new over to hang out and enjoy the comforts that the van has to offer. This girl I met through work is going to come hang out and I am trying to come up with ideas of what we could do. I was thinking just parking and talking and whatever at the coast would be pretty good, maybe get some food and take it with us. We shall see!

New friends already.

Today at work I had to help a customer with some stuff that is generally not something we would help with. But since I understood what needed to be done I wasn’t opposed to helping through it. Through assisting him with his issue we got to talking and I told him about my van, and my ideas with that. He shared with me that he just graduated with a civil engineering degree and wanted to help introduce more green ideas to city projects. As he was leaving he told me that if I found my way down in the ocean beach area to hit him up. We exchanged numbers and said goodbye.

A while later he told me that if I ever need a shower that I could let him know, and that he had talked to his room mates about it and they were cool with it as well. There are plenty of good people out there and I have a feeling I am going to meet a lot of them.

Starting a new life…

I found myself sitting in my friend Daniel’s car after work as we cruised down the freeway towards downtown San Diego. The destination ahead was the airport, and at the airport was my new home. After I had spent the last 4 years working to support myself and my now ex-girlfriend, combined with me becoming nearly suicidal during the breakup, I needed something new. The place I was living was where we had lived together, and even just going back into the house causes a massive rush of sadness as memories play back through my mind. She had left me after almost two years of me being in a major depressed state and not being their emotionally for her. This got to a point where she couldn’t take it any more, and I thought that I wanted to be single for freedom. At first the idea of being single was great, I was enjoying myself and right away started with new experiences.

However, after the first few weeks of newness wore off I found myself crawling like a sick dog back to here to try and work things out. She welcomed this at first, but eventually it came out that she just wanted to be my friend because she was now seeing a coworker, I felt as if someone took my heart out of my chest, leaving it connected so I would stay alive long enough to watch them eat it as it pumped its final beat. This then lead to me acting without much thinking due to being extremely emotional. Luckily the last thing she left me with was a YouTube series called
Spirit Science which I recommend everyone watches. It introduced me to new ways of thinking about, and approaching the spirit world. Armed with this I was able to battle through my sorry emotional state and keep the dark thoughts far enough away to keep me from doing anything terrible. With this came a new form of artistic expression for myself which is often referred to as “Sacred Geometry”, which has apparently been around since the dawn of man and is a universal language. I’m still learning more, but it has allowed me to have a distraction from my thoughts. With this I have also finally motivated myself to pick up playing music, first with a bass guitar, next is an acoustic guitar.

So now I have a new outlook on life, spirit, and my own being. I have hobbies that I am finally excited about, the only thing I’m missing is a creative space to just be alone, learn music, and create art. I can’t go back to my old place as it is filled with to many memories, and I also don’t want room mates. This left me with only one idea, quit my job and leave town to start somewhere new! My job has taken away my freedom, the environment lead me to believe that I needed more than what I had, and it’s very stressful at times. Well, I’m glad I didn’t do that as my coworkers, when I finally opened up about all of my sadness, were my biggest support network.

They took care of me emotionally, set things up when I was depressed to help cheer me up, offered me places to stay since I was pretty much living out of my car, it has been an incredible help. So finally it had hit a month since I had gone home, and I had been couch hopping out of my car. Then it hit me while taking a piss after I had been talking to my friend about my life and the future. My coworker is selling a van, a big family van, which could easily be turned into a mobile living and creative space. On top of that, my job has been my saving grace, I make great money, and this job affords me so many opportunities.

That’s it then, I’m going to buy the van, make it a living space, and live in it till I can’t handle it any longer. My goals are to become proficient enough with guitar and bass to then record my own music to use for an EP I want to make while living out of the van. I want to explore the world, do some traveling, I don’t want to be tied down by bills, rent, or a car payment. Living this way would cut those things to such a minimum that I would a very minimal amount of expenses. I can wake up at the beach one morning, and fall asleep in the forest. I can be right outside work to wake up for that early shift, and have a cool place to spend my breaks, my home.

We were exiting the freeway now, and on the road to the airport. Inside of me the nervousness of starting something so new and different was wearing off as excitement grew in its place. We entered the parking lot of the airport where the van had been left for me, and there it was! A 1993 Chevy G20 Mark III. Big windows, tons of room, and I already have so many ideas for making it more of a home.

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I get in and I start her up, here we go! First stop, Daniel’s for the first bowl to be had in the van! So I follow him over and he tells me I can park in the parking garage, great! As I pull up I see that the clearance is 6’4″, good, this should be fine! Then I slowly pull in to the garage, and I hear no scrapes or anything until.. I forgot to mention there was a bike rack on top. Suddenly I hear this terrifying scraping sound of metal on plastic and think to myself, “oh, it’s probably barely scraping.” Onward I go into the garage only to hear a loud crash as the forgotten bike rack fell to the cement. It was only held on by so,e clips and wasn’t bolted in, so I think I can reattach it!

The way out of the garage was a different story because, what I didn’t consider on the way in was the steep incline leading to the garage entrance. Pulling out I roll forward very slowly, and as the front of the van starts down the incline, the back starts to rise up and once again… The terrible scratching sound. Sadly this time it was the roof. In such a rush, I pulled out in front of a car who wasn’t even that close, and of course he starts honking. Clearing traffic, I pulled in to the nearest gas station to inspect the damage to the roof only to find a break light hanging by its wiring from the roof, which I think I can fix easily, and that it was just a minor scrape, no missing paint.

I hopped back in, as I sat back down I really noticed how comfortable the seat was, very cushiony. The whole damn thing was comfortable! I can’t wait to get a nice home type feeling inside of the place, and I really can’t wait to share it with my friends. A new story is about to be written and scribed to the web for all to see!

But for tonight I am going to reset and enjoy the company of a friend named Tony.

Goodnight!