Four and a half years…

So after an amazing four and and a half years of enjoying one another, growing together, learning together, fighting together, loving together, and most of all becoming best friends. Which was followed by the most painful breakup I have ever been through, I have lost that best friend. We had broken up and everything was fine until I realized that everything I thought I wanted, meeting new people, random encounters, hookups, all the single life bullshit. Once this happened I came rushing back full force! I wanted her back SO badly that I tried to force it to happen which in turn pushed her further away because I was acting crazy. In doing this she got closer with her new man, which made me go crazier trying and pushing, which resulted in us not hanging out at all. During this time they grew close, and they are now with one another, as a result of my actions. Now, we can’t even hang out as friends, he won, he got her.

Looking back I am sure that if I would have just played it smooth and kept my cool that things would probably have turned out quite different, sadly that wasn’t the case. And now once again I have to live with the consequences of my actions and accept the loss of the greatest thing I’ve ever had. She has set the bar pretty high for the next one, the shoes are going to be quite hard to fill. The major lesson I get out if this is to not force anything, let thing occur naturally, if I had I feel I would be writing a very different blog post right now.

The only person she gets advice from are people that barely know me, and obviously one of them likes her outside the lines of friendship, so anything he’s said was completely one sided.

This is a little part of my life that helped to spark the van lifestyle, so there you have it, my favorite part of life so far has been these past four years. I had everything I wanted right in front of my face and I pushed it away all by myself, I can’t believe she put up with me for so long. I can only hope now that one day something shift in the world and the universe allows me a second chance with her, till then, time to fill the hole with temporary happiness.

Sorry this one isn’t van related, but I needed to let this out somewhere.

Next post will be much more adventurous!

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