Heart ache and new beginnings.

So after a highly emotional and stressful day I feel pretty good again. Brandi, my ex and the one who sparked most of this for me, has decided she is the kind of person that likes to be in relationships, however, just not with me. Instead she has chosen the path of fucking a coworker, who is also in a superior position, destined to fail, destined to cause her pain. I’ve also come to the realization that maybe her and I aren’t good for each other. I enjoy a planned out time and she likes to live with her head in the clouds and just cruise through life blindly. A good mix of this is always welcomed, but when someone spends their entire life in the clouds it’s pretty hard to deal with.

I had made the mistake of trying to tell her what to do instead of letting her figure it out. As anyone that isn’t me would know this doesn’t work, the result, she doesn’t want to hang out with me any more. I had also asked about sex as friends and she said no, because of Sean, which is totally fine! But when he found out we were hanging out he got all pouty like a little fucking bitch and guilted her into not hanging out with me. He said it makes him crazy that she hangs out with me, well fuck you buddy cause all this has put more suicidal thoughts in my head than anything I’ve been through. Nothing I would act on, but just the thoughts alone are hard simply because I have a very vivid imagination and when the thoughts enter they also come with a film reel of me acting it out in my head. She said she cares about me greatly, I don’t believe it.

Part of what has made it so frustrating has been the fact that I know exactly what kind of person this guy is and he is most definitely going to hurt the sweetest person on the planet. With her trusting heart and naivety she has been sucked in to a new world of baristas and bad decisions.

But now on to new beginnings, tonight I have a date planned with a really nice girl, her name is Katie and she is a Gemini, which is supposedly very comparable with my Aries heart. Not that I am looking into jumping in to anything but it will be nice to see how the stars play this one out.

A couple nights back I hung out with my friend Valerie, this was also exciting as she is into some cool spiritual things I’ve not been aware of. She did a number reading based off my name and birthdate, it was surprisingly accurate and really entertaining. Now in return I showed her how to do her natal chart which she appreciated quite a bit!

Yesterday was a great day down in Ocean Beach with my friend David aka Finn. We arrived and found that the farmers market was happening, I always seem to catch this thing and I’m always glad I did. So much good food with all kinds of treats and trinkets mixed in. As we walked around trying to decide what we were going to indulge in we came across a fruit stand with the most beautiful strawberries I’ve probably ever seen. We picked up a basket of strawberries as well as a container of raspberries to much on while we explored. Ocean Beach has a really eclectic mix of people who reside and travel through there. Sometimes you feel like you are on an island of pirates who retired from pirating to settle down on this little peninsula. You have artists, hippies, punks, stoners, tripper, homeless, travelers, and free spirits. I have never had a unpleasant experience while exploring OB. After some people watching we were lured in by boba drinks and ginger chicken wi rice and Thai curry sauce on top. We got our food and took it to the wall for eating. The wall is a divider that separates the beach from the board walk, and usually on the wall you’ll find a mix of people playing music, selling drugs, and just enjoying the sights and sunsets.
Below is an image from the wall.

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After we ate we took off to explore the rocks and tide pools on the short walk from the wall to the spot we were offered weed twice, but we had out own, smelled good though! The tide pools offered up a lot of interesting things, little fish, crabs, sea snails, mussels and sea anemones. The rocks are covered in people’s names, hearts, and other carvings. Finn and I started debating how many of those couples were still together, I said I hoped none of them were because I was in a shitty mood. In reality I hope they are all happy, I just am put off by happy couples right now. As we walked the waves were crashing and shooting water spouts up into the air when they hit the rocks.
Here I am staring into the ocean as some waves crash.

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We also came across this girl who’s name I can not recall.. But she was praying and meditating with the help of this bowl that she ran a wand around to cause it to sing. The sound drew me in and as soon as she wasn’t meditating any longer I went to ask about it and where to find one. Apparently you can get them many places, but if you want a specific sound you need to bring a tuning fork. Once I find one I’ll post about it, but she taught me how to use it and it was quite relaxing which is great because it’s made to relieve stress. On our way back from this we walked through the farmers market once again and this time on the way through some art caught my eyes. There was a gentleman named Dillon there selling his art, pieces of sacred geometry. This was really exciting as I have been waiting to get more information on these symbols as I have started creating them as well. His were perfect though, I could tell through what he said and the quality of his art that he know what he was talking about. So I asked where I could find more information and he gave me a couple people to look up, Drunvalo Melchizedek and Robert Lawlor. I am excited to see what new things I pick up from these two.

Today is going to consist of making a run to the mineral shop to get a hold of some things I’ve been waiting for. Going to play some guitar for sure, and I have my date tonight! Today should be a fun day. Today ill leave you off with a shot I got of Finn with the sunset. Off for more journeys!

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