A few good days and a lady from Minneapolis.

The last few days have been packed full of good things. First off my good friend Tony has been really working hard to lose weight, and I have been wanting to get in shape in general as well as needing a regular place to shower. So Tony and I got memberships at this place called Planet Fitness and started going there. My focus is my heart and my core while Tony’s goals are endurance and weight loss. This is good because we will keep each other going, as well as having a ton of friends that go there as well, ahem, JOEL. This will allow me to wake up with a shower and a massage every day if I want to which is great, and the showers are private so it’s not like a big steamy room of wet naked men, some people might enjoy that and I can respect that, however I am not one of them.

I got a really cool van warming gift from my friend Valerie who is turning out to be a lot of fun to hang out with. She got me this holographic art piece that contains many symbols of all the crazy shit I’m into, sacred geometry, temples and pyramids, UFOs, and much more! Now I’m just figuring out where to keep it inside the van, I’m thinking the small window next to the side door. Here is a photo of the piece!

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Yesterday Valerie and I went hiking around a few areas, one sacred Indian waterfall hidden behind the Kohls in Oceanside which was absolutely beautiful, and hidden, she said she has sunbathed nude there which instantly left me trying to picture that. I couldn’t imagine hiking down there and finding an attractive nude female just laying out, I don’t even know how I’d react to that other than to be turned on and escape before I felt embarrassed. We explored around here for a bit and gathered some wild succulents for her to plant at home, drank a little and just hung out, it was really quite nice. Anyways, after that we went up to the top of Calavera Mountain in Carlsbad which not only offered up a spectacular view, but also had some really interesting rock formations that people had set up, a maze, a heart, lots of initials, and off in the distance someone had even cut “PROM?” into the grass to ask a date in an extremely romantic way, I’m sure most of the other girls boyfriends were pissed at this dude. When we got the the top the sun was about an hour from setting so we had a beer and a bowl and waited, sadly clouds came rolling in and caused it to become quite cold up there, also blocking the sunset, so we made our way back down and had to go through the rock maze since it was still light out. We made our way through the maze and to the center where we arrived feeling dizzy and laughing. We then had to go back up of course! Later on I gave her a reading with the oracle deck to which she responded very well. She told me it was incredibly insightful to where she is at in her life and where she would like to be. She also told me that the fact that my readings with these are so accurate for people means that the cards are in the right hands. I also attribute it to the person receiving the reading being receptive to it as well.

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The van has been turning in to quite a home but sleeping in it is uncomfortable for the time being until I can get a mattress topper for the bed. It is a folded down bench seat with quite an uneven lumpy surface, which even covered with blankets, is still leaving my back and neck sore. However the reward of roaming free and waking up wherever I please is very much worth it, and ill be able to get a mattress topper with my check next week. My friend Tyler also wanted me to mention that my turn signal still is not working. My friend Roger seems to think it is the signal relay and is down to help me fix it, but I’ll need to find the part first. It will be fun to learn how to fix the van myself and to pick up a new mechanical skill. I also found my tapestry, which if I hang and block off the cabin will make drinking in the back legal! The beach is going to be fun this summer…

The night I took Katie around and did her card reading I went to get gas and when I got back in and started the car the ignition stuck and just kept turning! So, in an effort to look like I knew what was up I jumped out and lifted the hood as if I had any idea what to do. Meanwhile the ignition is still trying to turn and is extremely loud as well. I stood, staring into the engine and at the wires trying to see how I could pull the power and stop it. Then I had a better idea, just ask the gas station guy! I ran over go him and explained I wasn’t trying to profile him in that just because he worked there I assumed he knew cars but asked for advice, I always have to explain myself. He told me it sounded like the starter and to jump in and jiggle the keys. Really? That’s it? So I run back and jiggle the keys and all is quiet again! Engine just rumbling with all it’s V8 power, sounding nice. There are just a few things to fix, but it will be part of the adventure!

I’ve recently started talking with this girl who has really caught my attention. We connected through Instagram through a common interest in the painter Alphonse Mucha, whom which she got a piece of his tattooed on her arm. She seems to think that I am quite incredible and says a lot of very nice things to me, and in turn I find her quite intriguing and incredibly attractive. She says I fit her ideal mold in a man, and from what I can see about her I would say she’s my ideal mold of a woman. Tall with long dark hair and blue/green eyes, sharp features and an amazing body. She loves what I’m doing with my life and is very interested in what I have to say. I think she is an amazing artist and has shown me some things she has created that are absolutely breathtaking. There is only one problem, she lives in Minneapolis. So we enjoy talking through texts and chats, as well as talking about the things we will do together when she comes to visit in June. We’ve planned out many things to do between the two of us and it is something really exciting to look forward to. Who knows where that will go but if its meant to be anything, then that’s the way it will go. If not, at least is a really entertaining thought!

That’s all I’ve got for now, and I have work tomorrow. Till next time!

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Heart ache and new beginnings.

So after a highly emotional and stressful day I feel pretty good again. Brandi, my ex and the one who sparked most of this for me, has decided she is the kind of person that likes to be in relationships, however, just not with me. Instead she has chosen the path of fucking a coworker, who is also in a superior position, destined to fail, destined to cause her pain. I’ve also come to the realization that maybe her and I aren’t good for each other. I enjoy a planned out time and she likes to live with her head in the clouds and just cruise through life blindly. A good mix of this is always welcomed, but when someone spends their entire life in the clouds it’s pretty hard to deal with.

I had made the mistake of trying to tell her what to do instead of letting her figure it out. As anyone that isn’t me would know this doesn’t work, the result, she doesn’t want to hang out with me any more. I had also asked about sex as friends and she said no, because of Sean, which is totally fine! But when he found out we were hanging out he got all pouty like a little fucking bitch and guilted her into not hanging out with me. He said it makes him crazy that she hangs out with me, well fuck you buddy cause all this has put more suicidal thoughts in my head than anything I’ve been through. Nothing I would act on, but just the thoughts alone are hard simply because I have a very vivid imagination and when the thoughts enter they also come with a film reel of me acting it out in my head. She said she cares about me greatly, I don’t believe it.

Part of what has made it so frustrating has been the fact that I know exactly what kind of person this guy is and he is most definitely going to hurt the sweetest person on the planet. With her trusting heart and naivety she has been sucked in to a new world of baristas and bad decisions.

But now on to new beginnings, tonight I have a date planned with a really nice girl, her name is Katie and she is a Gemini, which is supposedly very comparable with my Aries heart. Not that I am looking into jumping in to anything but it will be nice to see how the stars play this one out.

A couple nights back I hung out with my friend Valerie, this was also exciting as she is into some cool spiritual things I’ve not been aware of. She did a number reading based off my name and birthdate, it was surprisingly accurate and really entertaining. Now in return I showed her how to do her natal chart which she appreciated quite a bit!

Yesterday was a great day down in Ocean Beach with my friend David aka Finn. We arrived and found that the farmers market was happening, I always seem to catch this thing and I’m always glad I did. So much good food with all kinds of treats and trinkets mixed in. As we walked around trying to decide what we were going to indulge in we came across a fruit stand with the most beautiful strawberries I’ve probably ever seen. We picked up a basket of strawberries as well as a container of raspberries to much on while we explored. Ocean Beach has a really eclectic mix of people who reside and travel through there. Sometimes you feel like you are on an island of pirates who retired from pirating to settle down on this little peninsula. You have artists, hippies, punks, stoners, tripper, homeless, travelers, and free spirits. I have never had a unpleasant experience while exploring OB. After some people watching we were lured in by boba drinks and ginger chicken wi rice and Thai curry sauce on top. We got our food and took it to the wall for eating. The wall is a divider that separates the beach from the board walk, and usually on the wall you’ll find a mix of people playing music, selling drugs, and just enjoying the sights and sunsets.
Below is an image from the wall.

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After we ate we took off to explore the rocks and tide pools on the short walk from the wall to the spot we were offered weed twice, but we had out own, smelled good though! The tide pools offered up a lot of interesting things, little fish, crabs, sea snails, mussels and sea anemones. The rocks are covered in people’s names, hearts, and other carvings. Finn and I started debating how many of those couples were still together, I said I hoped none of them were because I was in a shitty mood. In reality I hope they are all happy, I just am put off by happy couples right now. As we walked the waves were crashing and shooting water spouts up into the air when they hit the rocks.
Here I am staring into the ocean as some waves crash.

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We also came across this girl who’s name I can not recall.. But she was praying and meditating with the help of this bowl that she ran a wand around to cause it to sing. The sound drew me in and as soon as she wasn’t meditating any longer I went to ask about it and where to find one. Apparently you can get them many places, but if you want a specific sound you need to bring a tuning fork. Once I find one I’ll post about it, but she taught me how to use it and it was quite relaxing which is great because it’s made to relieve stress. On our way back from this we walked through the farmers market once again and this time on the way through some art caught my eyes. There was a gentleman named Dillon there selling his art, pieces of sacred geometry. This was really exciting as I have been waiting to get more information on these symbols as I have started creating them as well. His were perfect though, I could tell through what he said and the quality of his art that he know what he was talking about. So I asked where I could find more information and he gave me a couple people to look up, Drunvalo Melchizedek and Robert Lawlor. I am excited to see what new things I pick up from these two.

Today is going to consist of making a run to the mineral shop to get a hold of some things I’ve been waiting for. Going to play some guitar for sure, and I have my date tonight! Today should be a fun day. Today ill leave you off with a shot I got of Finn with the sunset. Off for more journeys!

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New friends already.

Today at work I had to help a customer with some stuff that is generally not something we would help with. But since I understood what needed to be done I wasn’t opposed to helping through it. Through assisting him with his issue we got to talking and I told him about my van, and my ideas with that. He shared with me that he just graduated with a civil engineering degree and wanted to help introduce more green ideas to city projects. As he was leaving he told me that if I found my way down in the ocean beach area to hit him up. We exchanged numbers and said goodbye.

A while later he told me that if I ever need a shower that I could let him know, and that he had talked to his room mates about it and they were cool with it as well. There are plenty of good people out there and I have a feeling I am going to meet a lot of them.

Starting a new life…

I found myself sitting in my friend Daniel’s car after work as we cruised down the freeway towards downtown San Diego. The destination ahead was the airport, and at the airport was my new home. After I had spent the last 4 years working to support myself and my now ex-girlfriend, combined with me becoming nearly suicidal during the breakup, I needed something new. The place I was living was where we had lived together, and even just going back into the house causes a massive rush of sadness as memories play back through my mind. She had left me after almost two years of me being in a major depressed state and not being their emotionally for her. This got to a point where she couldn’t take it any more, and I thought that I wanted to be single for freedom. At first the idea of being single was great, I was enjoying myself and right away started with new experiences.

However, after the first few weeks of newness wore off I found myself crawling like a sick dog back to here to try and work things out. She welcomed this at first, but eventually it came out that she just wanted to be my friend because she was now seeing a coworker, I felt as if someone took my heart out of my chest, leaving it connected so I would stay alive long enough to watch them eat it as it pumped its final beat. This then lead to me acting without much thinking due to being extremely emotional. Luckily the last thing she left me with was a YouTube series called
Spirit Science which I recommend everyone watches. It introduced me to new ways of thinking about, and approaching the spirit world. Armed with this I was able to battle through my sorry emotional state and keep the dark thoughts far enough away to keep me from doing anything terrible. With this came a new form of artistic expression for myself which is often referred to as “Sacred Geometry”, which has apparently been around since the dawn of man and is a universal language. I’m still learning more, but it has allowed me to have a distraction from my thoughts. With this I have also finally motivated myself to pick up playing music, first with a bass guitar, next is an acoustic guitar.

So now I have a new outlook on life, spirit, and my own being. I have hobbies that I am finally excited about, the only thing I’m missing is a creative space to just be alone, learn music, and create art. I can’t go back to my old place as it is filled with to many memories, and I also don’t want room mates. This left me with only one idea, quit my job and leave town to start somewhere new! My job has taken away my freedom, the environment lead me to believe that I needed more than what I had, and it’s very stressful at times. Well, I’m glad I didn’t do that as my coworkers, when I finally opened up about all of my sadness, were my biggest support network.

They took care of me emotionally, set things up when I was depressed to help cheer me up, offered me places to stay since I was pretty much living out of my car, it has been an incredible help. So finally it had hit a month since I had gone home, and I had been couch hopping out of my car. Then it hit me while taking a piss after I had been talking to my friend about my life and the future. My coworker is selling a van, a big family van, which could easily be turned into a mobile living and creative space. On top of that, my job has been my saving grace, I make great money, and this job affords me so many opportunities.

That’s it then, I’m going to buy the van, make it a living space, and live in it till I can’t handle it any longer. My goals are to become proficient enough with guitar and bass to then record my own music to use for an EP I want to make while living out of the van. I want to explore the world, do some traveling, I don’t want to be tied down by bills, rent, or a car payment. Living this way would cut those things to such a minimum that I would a very minimal amount of expenses. I can wake up at the beach one morning, and fall asleep in the forest. I can be right outside work to wake up for that early shift, and have a cool place to spend my breaks, my home.

We were exiting the freeway now, and on the road to the airport. Inside of me the nervousness of starting something so new and different was wearing off as excitement grew in its place. We entered the parking lot of the airport where the van had been left for me, and there it was! A 1993 Chevy G20 Mark III. Big windows, tons of room, and I already have so many ideas for making it more of a home.

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I get in and I start her up, here we go! First stop, Daniel’s for the first bowl to be had in the van! So I follow him over and he tells me I can park in the parking garage, great! As I pull up I see that the clearance is 6’4″, good, this should be fine! Then I slowly pull in to the garage, and I hear no scrapes or anything until.. I forgot to mention there was a bike rack on top. Suddenly I hear this terrifying scraping sound of metal on plastic and think to myself, “oh, it’s probably barely scraping.” Onward I go into the garage only to hear a loud crash as the forgotten bike rack fell to the cement. It was only held on by so,e clips and wasn’t bolted in, so I think I can reattach it!

The way out of the garage was a different story because, what I didn’t consider on the way in was the steep incline leading to the garage entrance. Pulling out I roll forward very slowly, and as the front of the van starts down the incline, the back starts to rise up and once again… The terrible scratching sound. Sadly this time it was the roof. In such a rush, I pulled out in front of a car who wasn’t even that close, and of course he starts honking. Clearing traffic, I pulled in to the nearest gas station to inspect the damage to the roof only to find a break light hanging by its wiring from the roof, which I think I can fix easily, and that it was just a minor scrape, no missing paint.

I hopped back in, as I sat back down I really noticed how comfortable the seat was, very cushiony. The whole damn thing was comfortable! I can’t wait to get a nice home type feeling inside of the place, and I really can’t wait to share it with my friends. A new story is about to be written and scribed to the web for all to see!

But for tonight I am going to reset and enjoy the company of a friend named Tony.

Goodnight!